Honor that Heals IV

Okay — let’s go deeper.

In the last part of this series, we laid an essential foundation:

The Law still matters.

The Ten Commandments still matter.

Even now. 

Even under grace.

And today, I want to focus on something also very important:

What honor is not.

My heart behind this is twofold.

First, I want to speak directly to the tender places in your heart — the parts that ache, resist, or feel overwhelmed by this commandment.

I want you to know from the very beginning, this is possible.

This is totally doable no matter what you've been through.

Learning how to truly honor your parents — in a biblical, trauma-informed, Holy-Spirit led way — can change the entire trajectory of your life.

If you feel resistance coming up for you … you’re not alone.

I had the same internal battle.

I want to gently meet that place in your heart with compassion and clarity.

Second, I want to make something absolutely clear:

Honoring your parents is a skill — a nearly lost one — and most believers simply do not know how to do it.

In Sunday school, “honor” is often reduced to blind obedience.

And honestly… it makes sense that many of us would come to that conclusion — especially when Ephesians 6:1 ties obedience and honor so closely together. Scripture also clearly shows that obedience matters to God (Colossians 3:20).

But for the heart that has endured abuse — especially from the very people who were supposed to protect and love you — these verses can feel like a knife.

Even in households that claim Christ, abuse runs rampant. 

And when Scriptures about “honor” and “obedience” are misused, they can create deep confusion, shame, and spiritual wounding.

So if your heart tightens at the thought of honoring your parents…

If you feel defensive, nauseous, or instantly overwhelmed…

Please hear me: that reaction makes sense. You’re not intentionally being rebellious. You’re remembering what hurt you.

On top of that, we’re living in a culture that has become almost completely devoid of honor in general — so how could any of us possibly know what true, biblical honor even looks like?

Most of what surrounds us in western culture is cheap, fast, convenient, and emotionally shallow.

Our world disciples us into independence, self-protection, and self-gratification.

Degradation over reverence.
Screens over relationship.
Self-preservation over true, sacrificial love.

If honor feels confusing, impossible, or foreign… that makes complete sense.

But, if you want life to go well for you, this skill is worth learning. 

And today’s email is meant to help you take some of those first vital steps.

Do please notice, if something in your heart is stirring as you read this — don’t ignore it. That stirring is often where breakthrough begins. 

Stay with me.

What Honor Is Not

These distinctions might be the very thing your heart needs to hear…

When I first realized the magnitude of the 5th commandment —
“Honor your father and mother, that it may go well with you…”

I had a lot of feelings about it. 

To be honest, it sent me into a whirlwind.

If you read the last part in this series, you already know:

If honor meant what I thought it meant… I was pretty much doomed to fail.

So before we can talk about how to honor in a way that actually brings freedom, healing, and a life that goes well… we need to clear away the misconceptions that have caused so many believers to live in unnecessary suffering.

Because if your understanding of “honor” is distorted, your attempts to walk it out will be distorted too.

If you try to accomplish this from your own strength, there will not be good fruit. 

So let’s start here…

Here’s what honor does NOT mean:

1. Honor is not obedience.

I know — that’s what almost every Sunday school room teaches.

And yes, Scripture connects obedience and honor in Ephesians 6:

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
‘Honor your father and mother’ – which is the first commandment with a promise – 

‘so that it may go well with you…’”Ephesians 6:1–3

But notice something crucial:

The verse lists obedience and honor as two different commands. 

The Word does not say, “obey your parents so that it will go well with you.”

There is a distinction.

This distinction matters.

Also worth noting; if you look at these two words in the concordance, you’ll see they are two entirely different Greek words — not interchangeable at all.
 

If your heart feels a tiny bit of relief reading this… I'm so glad.

Stay with me.

2. Honor is not pretending the pain didn’t happen.

You do not have to minimize what was done to you.
You do not have to justify your parents' behavior.
You do not have to offer compassion without accountability.

You surely don't need to “forgive and forget”…
And you most definitely don’t have to excuse their sin or convince yourself it doesn't hurt. 

Biblical honor never asks you to lie.

It actually requires truth.

Truth about what happened.
Truth about how it formed you.
Truth about the impact still living in your heart.

Honor that ignores truth is not honor —it’s coping.

We don't want to cope here. 

We want true healing. 

If this helps you breathe a little easier… hold onto that.

You’re right on time… you’re right where you need to be.

3. Honor is not staying in relationship with unsafe people.

Reconciliation with God in your heart does not automatically mean reunification with your parents.

Honor does not require physical closeness, ongoing contact, or restored relationship with your parents.

Honor ≠ access.

Honor ≠ proximity.

Honor is not putting yourself back into harm’s way to “prove” you’ve forgiven.

Sometimes the most God-honoring choice you can make is healthy distance — the kind that protects your heart, your home, and the healing God is doing inside you.

“Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” — Proverbs 4:23
 

Boundaries are holy.
Distance can be wisdom.
Safety is important.

Keep your eyes fixed on Christ, ask Him to help you discern and establish the boundaries needed for the most healing possible. Then let Him tend to the deeper places in your heart… and in theirs.

Feeling relief yet? Good. 

That relief is important.

4. Honor is not emotional enmeshment or indebtedness.

You don’t owe your parents access, time, explanations, or connection.

Honoring your parents does not mean giving them a place in your life.

And just to be clear — you can absolutely choose to have them in your life, to whatever extent feels wise, safe, and healthy.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting relationship.

But it isn't required for honor to take place.

Honor ≠ obligation.

Honor is a heart posture before God — not a performance toward people.

And that distinction changes everything.

So… what exactly is honor?

We’re going to go much deeper into this very complex concept soon, but for now, here’s the truth in one clear sentence:

Honor is the heart-level reconciliation between you and God regarding your parents — no matter their behavior, their choices, or their presence (or absence) in your life.

Which means:

You can honor even if you endured abuse.

You can honor even if you’re estranged.

You can honor even if they’re gone.

You can honor even if you’ve forgiven them 1,000 times and still feel stuck.

You can honor even if your relationship will never be restored.

Because honor isn’t about their actions — it’s about your heart.

It’s about agreeing with God about who they were made to be… not about what they have done. 

And this — this heart-level agreement with God — is where real breakthrough happens.

Why This Matters (more than most Christians realize)

I repeat; this commandment comes with a promise.

It is spiritual law.

And when spiritual laws are violated — even unintentionally — our lives bear the weight it.

God isn't withholding blessing from your life.

He is not angry with you.
He is not punishing you.

But when your heart remains tangled in unhealed emotional and spiritual wounds, you will inevitably find yourself living outside of His design… often without even realizing it… and there are consequences to that.

And whether you can see it clearly or not… when you dishonor your parents, life does not “go well with you.”

Simply because of natural law. 

When there is unresolved pain in your heart, there will be hidden bitter roots (Hebrews 12:15) silently sabotaging the places in your life where you long for breakthrough the most.

In your:

• relationships

• finances

• calling

• parenting

• emotional world

• ability to rest in God

I know, because this was my story.

And it’s been the story of countless women I’ve walked with.

As I have been writing this series, I have been praying fervently. 

This topic is honestly so, so important. 

I truly believe the Lord has put this message on my heart for this exact season for a reason.

Not just so you understand a biblical principle, but because the promise attached to this commandment — and the restoration of honor in our families — carries generational impact.

After praying over how to support you best, I believe that the most helpful way to walk you through this would be through an actual workshop.

A dedicated space where I can teach you exactly how to walk out true honor…
where you can ask questions, receive clarity, and let the Holy Spirit work deeply in your heart.

This workshop is for the woman who is saying:

“I’m tired of trying to do this in my own strength.”
“I’m ready for real breakthrough.”
“I want to understand honor in a way that actually heals.”

It’s for the woman who senses the Holy Spirit nudging:

“It’s time.”

And the woman whose heart is whispering:

“I don’t want to keep putting this off.”

Why say yes now (and not later)?

Because honor is not information.

It’s transformation.

And the sooner your heart understands what honor actually is — and how to walk it out biblically, safely, and in truth — the sooner the fruit of your life begins to shift.

Honor is one of those areas that, once healed, shifts everything.

Not someday.

Not theoretically.

But right here, right now.

In your relationship with God, yourself, your spouse and with your children & children’s children.

When this area goes unhealed, the effects don’t stay neutral. They don’t pause. They don’t fade with time.

They grow.

- Bitterness grows.
- Self-protection grows.
- Distance from God grows.
- Relational patterns get worse.
- And the places where you long for breakthrough stay stuck.

But when this area is actually healed?

— Your relationship with God deepens.
— Your patterns shift. (for me this was most seen in my finances)
— Your parenting transforms.
— Your emotional world stabilizes.
— Your calling clarifies.
— Your nervous system finally experiences rest…
because the roots of unhealed pain have been addressed — not just managed.

The heart doesn’t magically heal itself with time.

And life doesn't suddenly create the “perfect season.”

Life will just keep on lifeing.

If a part of your heart is saying “I think I need this”… please listen.

Your future self and loved ones will thank you.

I would truly love to walk with you through this in real time.

The FULL recording will be sent to your inbox.

You can read more about the workshop using the link below.

This is your window.

I hope you’ll step into it.