Honor that Heals III
In the last two parts of this series, I shared where this journey began for me — stuck in a painful, abusive marriage, facing constant financial lack, and wondering why I was still living in survival mode even after surrendering my life to Jesus.
I was doing all the “right” things — praying fervently, reading my Bible, trying to trust — yet the life change I longed for never seemed to come.
Even after my ex-husband left, I wrestled with financial fear so constant it felt near impossible to truly rest in Jesus on a consistent basis.
I practiced nervous system care daily — doing everything I knew to help my body feel safe — but without healing the roots in my heart, that sense of safety never lasted.
It was like patching cracks in a foundation that was still broken underneath.
What I wanted – more than anything – was to experience the kind of soulful abiding described in Scripture.
I longed for what Paul speaks of in Philippians 4… deep contentment, no matter my circumstances.
What I didn’t realize back then was that even though I was saved and consistent with nervous system care, I was still living under the effects of spiritual laws I didn’t fully understand.
My heart was covered by grace, yes — but it was also bound by roots that grace doesn’t just automatically remove.
As I sat there that evening, the first Elijah House teaching still echoing in my mind & my baby asleep in my arms, I felt both deeply thankful and completely undone.
For the first time, I was seeing something I had never seen before.
The truth came like a flood — gentle and overwhelming.
I suddenly realized that much of the pain I was still living in wasn’t only because of what happened to me — but because of how I had responded to it.
Yes, the sins and wounds I endured shaped me in profound ways.
But the real bondage of repeated painful patterns came from my own sinful reactions to those wounds — the judgments I kept, the inner vows I unconsciously made, & the walls I built around my heart to keep myself safe… all of it tangled together into what Scripture calls bitter roots.
“See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no root of bitterness grows up to cause trouble and defile many. ”
I remember sitting there, feeling like I was walking a tightrope between conviction and hope — the sting of truth on one side, the spark of freedom on the other.
It hurt to see it so clearly, to finally understand why my life still felt like such a mess.
And yet, there was this undeniable lightness in my spirit.
For the first time, I realized I wasn’t powerless.
It wasn’t that God was withholding blessing or breakthrough from me — it was that I needed to repent and let Him deal with my sin.
That realization – though uncomfortable – became the turning point.
As soon as I understood that I had a part to play in my own healing, something ignited inside me.
I was hungry to learn exactly what to do.
I was determined & I was ready.
Done with the cycles of pain and confusion that had defined my story for far too long.
So I leaned in with everything I had — pen in hand, heart open, desperate for revelation.
Before I continue sharing about the one commandment that changed everything for me, I want to pause and lay a foundation — because without this understanding, what I’m going to share might not fully land.
We live in a world governed by divine order — also known as natural law.
God's creation operates within laws — physical, emotional, and spiritual boundaries.
Just as gravity keeps our feet on the ground, there are unseen spiritual laws that keep our hearts aligned with love.
These laws aren’t cold, harsh, or punitive. They’re the very architecture of love Himself — the design that allows life to flourish.
Think about it: we don’t question the law of gravity.
We don’t call oxygen “legalistic” when we need to breathe.
We simply live in harmony with these patterns because our lives depend on them.
And yet… when it comes to God’s moral and relational laws — the ones designed to protect our hearts and bless our relationships — we often treat them as optional.
We say they are “relative.”
As if grace means His design no longer applies.
But grace was never meant to nullify His laws — it was meant to empower us to live within them.
Not in striving, but in surrender.
Not by willpower, but by His Spirit.
God’s commandments were never barriers to intimacy — they are invitations into it.
Pathways back into His divine order where peace, connection, and life truly flourish.
“Relativity only means that each law is relative or relevant to operate within its own sphere, not that the law is not fully to be obeyed in context. The greatest scientific relativists would not dare say that the law of gravity is not effective upon them in high places, only that it is affected by various conditions.
But we in our foolishness have come to believe that “Thou shalt not commit adultery” is only relative, meaning “not needing to be observed." When in every other sphere of natural intercourse, we recognize the operation of compelling laws, how could we fail to see that, for example, in human sexual intercourse, there are laws just as immutable, just as severe, and just as irrevocable?
This is a legal universe. Every physicist knows that for every action there must be an equal and opposite reaction. Every chemist knows that every formula must balance. Even the most sexual aberrant knows life must begin with a sperm and an ovum. We see natural laws operative all about us in relation to human beings, working invincibly, unceasingly, without question. A man who does not breathe cannot live beyond physical endurance. We must eat. We must sleep. This is absolute law. Nothing changes it. We have sense enough to know that."
– Chapter 4 from Transforming the Inner Man by John & Paula Sandford
His commandments are not only there to reveal how much we need grace, but to show us how to live — to bring our hearts back into His blessing, peace, and presence.
To show us how love should act.
“If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” – John 14:15
As I pressed in, something clicked.
The law wasn’t abolished — it was fulfilled in Christ.
Fulfilled doesn’t mean forgotten.
And it certainly doesn’t mean null and void.
God didn’t tear up His design for how life and relationships work — He made a way for us to be reconciled to love and relationship with Him through Jesus.
The cross didn’t cancel the law’s reality — it satisfied its justice.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean that God simply looks the other way.
It means the just requirements of the law are fulfilled — completely — through the suffering of our precious Savior.
This realization changed how I see the Gospel.
Suddenly, I saw that the law isn’t a harsh set of rules to avoid punishment — it’s the divine structure of love and life itself.
The very thing that restores the soul.
“The law of The Lord is perfect, restoring the soul.
The decrees of The Lord are trustworthy, making wise the simple.
The commandments of The Lord are right, bringing joy to the heart.
The commands of The Lord are clear, giving insight for living.
Reverence for The Lord is pure, lasting forever.
The laws of The Lord are true, each one is fair.
They are more desirable than gold, even the finest gold.
They are sweeter than honey, even honey dripping from the comb.
They are a warning to your servant, a great reward for those who obey them.
How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart?
Cleanse me from these hidden faults."
– Psalm 19: 7-12
When I first began to grasp this, it felt both beautiful and sobering.
But if I’m being completely honest — it also revealed bitterness inside my heart.
I didn’t even know the Ten Commandments for most of my life.
It felt unfair that I was somehow expected to uphold them without ever being taught that they even existed or what they really mean.
I realized that of course, I knew the “big ones.”
Don’t steal. Don’t murder. Don’t lie.
Those felt obvious — natural, even.
And being saved from the New Age, I deeply respected the first two as well:
to have no other gods before Him and to worship Him alone.
Those made perfect sense.
But this one…
“Honor your father and your mother, that it may go well with you.”
This one stopped me in my tracks.
It felt… unfair.
How could someone like me — someone who had endured so much harm at the hands of my parents — ever be expected to obey such a commandment?
My heart thought about how it must be "so easy” for people who grew up with loving & emotionally healthy parents.
“No wonder things seem to always 'go well' for them..”
It felt like they had a head start in life in every way.
As I wrestled with it, my heart flickered between hope and bitterness — hope because God was blessing me with so much revelation,
and bitterness because I felt like neither of my parents deserved honor.
And if “honor” meant having to be in relationship with them… well, that was just never going to happen. It couldn't.
My heart began to cry out.
And God, in His mercy, began to show me that honoring my parents wasn’t what I thought it was.
It didn’t mean pretending everything was fine.
It didn’t mean obedience to their lies.
And it certainly didn’t mean reunification with them.
Honor — as He would soon teach me — is something much deeper.
Something that happens in the heart – not through behavior.
It’s not between me and them…
It’s between me and God.
I know this can be a lot to take in.
The truth of God’s law carries a certain weight — not to condemn, but to edify.
To call us into holiness.
To remind us that love isn’t random or abstract… it has form, order, and holy boundaries.
I can’t wait to share more about what He showed me about honor in the next part of this series — because once I understood what biblical honor really is, everything began to change.
As always, I am so thankful you are here.
