Self-Hatred — Hidden Sin I
I am grateful for the opportunity to share about the devastating effects of self-hatred in your life and walk with God.
Before we really get into it, let's pray.
"Lord Jesus,
We come to You in desperate need.
In need of Your love,
in need of Your help,
in need of Your healing presence & power.
Help us Oh Lord, to be sensitive to Your voice.
Help us to hear what You are trying to say.
Soften our hearts to You, Lord.
Please anoint this writing with Your heart & Your will.
Thank You Jesus for being faithful, even when we are unfaithful.
It is in Your name we pray.
Amen."
Alright.
Self-hatred.
Born of shame and immense pain, self-hatred is actually a cause for deep concern and even deeper compassion.
Someone who struggles with self-hatred doesn't arrive in this place by accident.
& they surely don't like being here.
It feels like a trap.
A place of total stuck-ness.
Stuck with themselves for the rest of their lives.
The fruit of self-hatred is insidious… often driving its victims further and further into its clutches.
self-sabotoge
neglecting care of body, mind and spirit
feeling like joy and contentment are far, far away
feeling lost or aimless regarding purpose in life
critical of how one looks or what one does
resisting connection and true intimacy in relationships
and so much more
The worst part though?
It's a sin.
With dire consequences.
One of the main consequences of this kind of rebellion is that it is impossible to feel close to God.
It is also impossible to walk in the calling on your life or fulfill the purpose for which you were born.
That's why the enemy of our souls works overtime from as early in our lives as possible to convince us that we should hate ourselves.
So let's talk about how self-hatred is planted in the heart of a person.
Exactly how does the enemy tempts us into self-hatred?
While the Bible doesn't explicitly state that we are aware while in the womb, verses such as Jeremiah 1:5 and Psalm 139:13-16 suggest that God is at work in shaping a person even before their birth.
This implies a spiritual presence and purpose from the moment of conception.
We can see in scripture again and again that the enemy does not play fair when it comes to crippling the hearts and lives of people made in the image of God.
As you were being formed in your mother's womb, your nervous system, heart and brain were some of the first things to develop. At only 5 weeks into development, your heart started beating.
When we read about the heart in scripture, it is easy to see that the heart is so much more than just an organ. Even in neurocardiology (the study of the heart brain connection) we can see that the heart has neurons which communicate to the brain. This proves that the heart literally has thoughts independent from what is thought in the brain.
There have been studies conducted where brain & nervous system activity were monitored while individuals were introduced to varying forms of emotional stimulus. When someone experienced an emotional response to an image, the heart's neurons would ‘light up’ first and then communicate that information to the brain.
It is abundantly clear that the heart plays a central role in the life of a person, but let's have a look at what The Word actually says about the heart.
We can see in scripture that the heart is where we experience;
emotions (Philippians 4:6-7)
moral conviction (Mark 7:21-23, Ezekiel 11:19, Luke 6:45; 2 Timothy 2:22, Psalm 139:23-24)
the will (Psalm 119:30; Ephesians 6:6; Colossians 2:2)
spiritual life (Psalm 138:1, Jeremiah 20:9, Romans 10:10, Psalm 51:10, Proverbs 4:23)
thoughts
Hebrews 4:12 “For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” NKJV
Romans 10:10 “For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by openly declaring your faith that you are saved.” NLT
Matthew 15:19 “For from the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, all sexual immorality, theft, lying, and slander.” NLT
Luke 5:22 “Jesus knew what they were thinking and asked, ‘Why are you thinking these things in your hearts?’” NIV
While moving through the curriculum at Elijah House, there were many discussions on how we are tempted to develop bitter roots (Hebrews 12:15) in our hearts from as early as in utero.
Through the decades of their work in prayer ministry and pastoral counseling, both John and Paula Sandford witnessed The Lord heal people from heart wounds that were formed while the person was still developing in the womb.
Examples of heart wounds from in utero:
One person believing they are a mistake due to being a surprise pregnancy or from outside of wedlock.
Another person believing they are a burden due to the perceived financial stress within their family of origin.
And another who feels inherent shame for having survived an attempted abortion – believing they are unwanted.
The thing is, we don't just come up with these thoughts or beliefs on our own.
We are tempted to believe these lies.
An infant does not just create these kinds of thoughts on their own.
There is clearly a spiritual component of warfare on a person's identity during development.
There is also clearly a tie to family of origin dysfunction/sin/trauma (all most likely generational) and a person's propensity to believe lies about themselves, leading to self-hatred.
What kinds of things have you believed about your coming into this world?
What is your origin story?
Did you feel like your parents would have preferred you were a different gender?
Were you constantly tempted to believe that you are not good enough? or too much?
How we come into this world is an important part of what shapes our beliefs & personal identity.
It sets the foundation for how we see ourselves and understand our place in the world.
It is also often where we find exactly where self-hatred is rooted.
In the next part of this series, we will go even deeper into exactly how the sin of self-hatred is rooted and then grows in a person's life.
Soon after we will also cover what we can do to start to truly repent of it – so The Lord can touch and heal the parts of our hearts that wrestle with actually receiving the goodness of The Gospel. — Personally.
I pray this has been thought provoking and edifying for you.
As always, thank you for being here.
